Question 457 - The Enlightening Answer Across the Ether, Vol 5

Ahmed al-Hasan Response:

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. Praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds, and may Allah send prayers upon Muhammad and the family of Muhammad, the Imams and the Mahdis, and grant them peace. Allah, Glorious and Exalted, legislated a law for the emotional and sexual relationship between a woman and a man as female and male. It is the marriage contract, which requires two witnesses to the contract, or publicizing it after the contract if there are no witnesses. This is to guarantee the rights of the woman and the fruit of the union between the human female and male. Allah knows that I will try to offer counsel to you and every believing girl, so that perhaps you will set your feet upon a correct path that guarantees you a good and dignified life. What you call love does not, in reality, go beyond admiration for form, appearance, or certain conduct and words, most of which are artificial, untrue, and far removed from the real personality of the woman or man. To know that it is merely admiration for appearances, some of which are unreal, look at external reality. I do not wish to say more than external reality itself says and more than what inductive research and studies of external reality have said. By examining external reality, they show that what is called love, or a love relationship between a woman and a man, ends not long after marriage-or after the marital relationship, as in the West today. Perhaps, at best, it does not exceed a few years. True love, however, cannot end-not after years and not even after death and departure from this world. True, living, and enduring love is love of Allah, Glorious and Exalted, because it is connected to the Living and Everlasting One, Glorious and Exalted is He. Consequently, every love connected to this love will be alive through the life of this true love. A woman’s love for her spouse, or a husband’s love for his spouse, for Allah’s sake and in obedience to Allah, and because the spouse is near to Allah and obedient to Allah, will be living and true love, because in reality it springs from love of Allah. Who holds the hearts in His hand and turns them however He wills other than Allah, Glorious and Exalted? He is capable of perpetuating a love between two spouses that was built upon love of Him, Glorious and Exalted is He. For this reason, the Messenger urged the believing man to seek out a religious woman and join with her, and likewise urged the woman to seek out a religious man and join with him. May Allah grant you success. Be generous, dignified, and obedient to Allah, Glorious is He-the Generous One who does not abandon His guardians and has mercy upon them in this world and the Hereafter. He is capable of causing a believing woman who turns toward Him out of desire for Him, Glorious and Exalted, to join with a believing and religious person. As for relationships called love before the marriage contract and union, in reality they are often a cause for the woman to lose her dignity, honor, and chastity. A generous and dignified believing woman is supposed to avoid this matter and direct her emotion and love toward the righteous believing person with whom she joins through the religious contract. The believing woman is supposed to place her trust in Allah, rely upon Him, and ask Him, Glorious is He, to make the person with whom she joins truly pleasing to Him. Consequently, during the days Allah has decreed for her in this world, she will live with him a generous and dignified life surrounded by love and affection. Peace, mercy, and blessings of Allah be upon you. These are some texts summarizing what some sociologists reached through inductive studies: The American sociologist William Robinson, relying upon an examination of a group of love stories, says: ‘The expected life span of love is no more than three years after marriage.’ He says: ‘When love reaches the end of its expected life span, its light becomes dim. It may take nearly a year before both parties to the love relationship realize this reality, which shared life conceals.’ He said: ‘The brain chemistry governing the process of love continues generating charges upon charges of love and emotional energy for three years. Then those charges cease, as though it were a battery that has emptied and can never be recharged. The relationship founded upon love then changes into a relationship of warmth and fidelity.’ Professor Cindy Hazan of Cornell University in New York conducted an inductive study on a sample of five thousand men and women belonging to thirty-seven different cultures throughout the developed and developing world. The study consisted of a series of psychological and biological tests measuring the level of love between each pair of lovers. Its conclusion was: ‘There is no love that can continue for an entire lifetime. The study confirmed that love survives alongside an intimate relationship for no more than four years, after which it dies.’ Ahmed Alhasan Late Safar 1431 AH